Category Archives: Of Flesh and Blood

When you just can’t say it out loud to your family circle

The Bullied Kid

He didn’t want to come inside the house he said. He was scared and crying. He didn’t mean it to happen, he said. It wasn’t his fault. He was shaking like a leaf. This tiny, skinny, 9-year old boy, too small and skinny for his age. He sat just outside the front door. His head bent down while sniffing and holding on to his school uniform tightly, his knuckles white. Everyone was surrounding him now, asking, shouting, and I stood there held him by the chin and looked at his face.

My heart-ached. I just don’t know what to say. I took a deep breath, and asked what happened? I shouldn’t have. I should have known. Black and blue, swollen pair of eyes stared back at me and he cried. He’s got a big bump on the left side of his temple. I should have known. I said, “Come inside and we’ll look at you in a brighter light.” He followed. My step was heavy. My heart bled. It was as if I was holding my breath for the longest time that when I let go, tears would go with it. But this is not the time to be weak. I have to be strong for the bullied kid, my only son.

We had to go. He has to feel important and supported now. It doesn’t matter what time it was but we had to go see the doctor. He timidly and patiently follow doctors instructions. Hell, he answered all questions which I felt made him want to stop everyone from asking and just be left alone for a moment. He was brave. Out of nowhere he asked, “Mom, do you think I can forgive Diaz?” I don’t know what to say. Without waiting for my response, he said, “I saw a saying on grandma’s Facebook wall that weak people revenge, strong people forgive and intelligent people ignore. What do you think I am?”

I looked at him lovingly, not really knowing what to say. “Maybe not now. You may not forgive Diaz now because you’re still feeling the pain. But you would have to decide what kind of person you are.” Calmly and knowingly he said, “I will be an intelligent person for now. I will be ignoring him for now.”

I can’t believe this happened to me or to my kid. It was a painstaking decision for me to enroll him in “just” some school. I had a lump in my throat from keeping myself from crying. He is different. He is special. He is so small and tiny and innocent on the hospital bed. I should have known. He could not have experienced this if I had a better judgement. In truth, I cannot blame no one but me. For this would never have taken place if I was a better mom.

This was 3 months ago. I am stronger and more determined to give the best to my kids. He came home smiling one day. In tow were 4 boys…oh so much bigger than him. Heavy on the weight and much bulkier. He introduced his new found friends. First time he ever said “Friends” in all his years in elementary school. He said he loved the teachers, his classmates even the school guard and most of all he loves the new school because, he is not a bullied kid any more.

I knew I won the battle. Not the court battle I know I can’t win. But the battle inside me knowing that I made the right decision for my son’s welfare. I knew I won his heart and trust and he won far more than me, and he is continuously winning everyday. As I see his face lit up when he talks about school. I won because I know he will be okay.

My wingless angel

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This is a story about a man who i will not name. He’s the most snobbish person i know by far. A man whose disposition is uncertain. I have known him all my life but really Know the person he is? i don’t think so. There was once a time we fought. I can vividly remember the scene, I was watching tv. My favorite program was on air, and this man grabs the remote and flips through all the tv station one by one. Without saying anything, without even blinking an eye, as if i wasn’t there. I remember being 2 months pregnant at that time, i was very emotional, angry and hurt and all i did was snatch the remote and threw it at him with all my might. He stood there, fingers rolled into a fist and ready to strike. The pregnant emotional woman that I am just burst out the door crying and i literally ran. I didn’t know know where to go but i kept moving. I don’t recall where i stopped and who ran after me, it definitely wasn’t him. After that fight, (petty fight yes, but we were young, i got pregnant at a very young age ¬†and you wouldn’t want to know our other fights when we were much younger) we never talked ever again. In a civil way, yes. We didn’t have the chance to say sorry to each other or anything like that. Years passed, he went abroad to work. He was a very good provider. Still, there were unfinished business between us and the distance is making us not just physically apart but more so, emotionally divorced. He’s been giving me financial help and we communicate with just a private message through friendster during the old days and now by facebook, me just saying thank you and a half-hearted take care. I was even such an ingrate thinking and telling myself that whatever help i got from him will be returned cent by cent. Things got ¬†worst as we grow older and he seldom comes home, not even on a yearly basis and that’s aside from the fact that we don’t really engage in talking things over. Normally, we fight things over. Starting and keeping a civil conversation is not one of our best traits. Recently, I got into a fix I know I can’t get out of without any help. He was my last resort. Of course the usual banter and hurtful words once again come into play, but just as i was losing all hope, he just said yes. Now, recollecting everything good-gone-bad type of relationship between us made me realize a lot of things. He may not be the person who shows how endearing he is within the circle, he may not be someone who professes his love of family, he may be apathetic, he may scream and curse in anger, he may start growing horns in my eyes at times when we fight, I have come to see things clearly. God didn’t give all his angels wings, cause mine is a wingless, ill-tempered angel of a brother who looks over us in his own snobbish, scary way. I don’t like liking him that way but I love him Any way i could.