No regrets…just saying

It could just very well be a time in your life where you are at your lowest, this could just be why i’m writing today. This is me, venting out. The clock says 2:48 AM. I should be sleeping or getting ready to cuddle with you but no. Not tonight. Not the past few nights too. I’m sorry if i seem so lost and always forlorn, but that’s exactly how i’m feeling. 

The past few days…no, months actually has been full of what if’s and why not’s. Again, i’m sorry that i’ve been questioning what we have for the past 5 years in my mind. Arguing with myself, discussing things with myself. I know that maybe it’s because we’re so down financially nowadays, that’s why these thoughts never leave. Issues, financially related, always derail my thoughts. How could i let this happen? Why am I in this circumstance? I was trying to get out of the same sh#t i was in eons ago but hey! here i go again. it must be me. 

Money matter is a very big chunk of everything. i don’t like to think so, but i feel so. Worst part of the picture is i can no longer talk to you. I can no longer comfort you nor you to me. We can’t seem to start a conversation without hurting the other. Without feeling the blame. How can we go on? We start to be insensitive of each others emotions. 

No one knows when this ordeal will be over, but i’d like to think we can somehow talk like a matured couple. Let’s conquer this. Let’s talk. 

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