My wingless angel


This is a story about a man who i will not name. He’s the most snobbish person i know by far. A man whose disposition is uncertain. I have known him all my life but really Know the person he is? i don’t think so. There was once a time we fought. I can vividly remember the scene, I was watching tv. My favorite program was on air, and this man grabs the remote and flips through all the tv station one by one. Without saying anything, without even blinking an eye, as if i wasn’t there. I remember being 2 months pregnant at that time, i was very emotional, angry and hurt and all i did was snatch the remote and threw it at him with all my might. He stood there, fingers rolled into a fist and ready to strike. The pregnant emotional woman that I am just burst out the door crying and i literally ran. I didn’t know know where to go but i kept moving. I don’t recall where i stopped and who ran after me, it definitely wasn’t him. After that fight, (petty fight yes, but we were young, i got pregnant at a very young age  and you wouldn’t want to know our other fights when we were much younger) we never talked ever again. In a civil way, yes. We didn’t have the chance to say sorry to each other or anything like that. Years passed, he went abroad to work. He was a very good provider. Still, there were unfinished business between us and the distance is making us not just physically apart but more so, emotionally divorced. He’s been giving me financial help and we communicate with just a private message through friendster during the old days and now by facebook, me just saying thank you and a half-hearted take care. I was even such an ingrate thinking and telling myself that whatever help i got from him will be returned cent by cent. Things got  worst as we grow older and he seldom comes home, not even on a yearly basis and that’s aside from the fact that we don’t really engage in talking things over. Normally, we fight things over. Starting and keeping a civil conversation is not one of our best traits. Recently, I got into a fix I know I can’t get out of without any help. He was my last resort. Of course the usual banter and hurtful words once again come into play, but just as i was losing all hope, he just said yes. Now, recollecting everything good-gone-bad type of relationship between us made me realize a lot of things. He may not be the person who shows how endearing he is within the circle, he may not be someone who professes his love of family, he may be apathetic, he may scream and curse in anger, he may start growing horns in my eyes at times when we fight, I have come to see things clearly. God didn’t give all his angels wings, cause mine is a wingless, ill-tempered angel of a brother who looks over us in his own snobbish, scary way. I don’t like liking him that way but I love him Any way i could.

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